The Nothing Man
by JillSwinburne
Summary: songfic, follows Norrington through DMC and AWE, his fall from grace and relationship with Elizabeth.


Follows Norrie through DMC and AWE. The lyrics are from The Nothing Man by Bruce Springsteen. I thought it was kind of appropriate. hope you like. BTW Norrington is not mine, if he was he'd be better taken care of lol.

**THE NOTHING MAN**

_I don't remember how I felt, I never thought I'd live_

_To read about myself in my hometown paper_

_How my brave young life was forever changed_

_In a misty cloud of pink vapour_

It was like some awful dream – a nightmare from which he could not awaken. Even before he returned to port the rumours had already spread and the eyes which greeted him at the quayside were suspicious and accusing.

The storm and its horrific consequences made the front page of every newspaper, was spoken of in every tavern, written about in every letter home. The details were always sketchy, even the official report was a little hazy but one thing above all was quite clear; it was his fault.

Whether they accused him directly or no he could feel their distrust and their disgust as he passed them by in the street. That was why he resigned. No longer Commodore Norrington: the Scourge of Piracy in the Caribbean, now he was plain Mr Norrington – a fool who had risked the life of too many good men for a whim, a lucky chance which did not come off and for which he paid dearly.

When James closed his eyes he could still feel the rain whipping his face, the air filled with terrified cries as the _Daunteless_ was ripped apart by the wrath of the ocean, taking her crew with her. Blood stained the deck, coloured the sea, filled the very air which he breathed, choking him, the coppery smell filling his nose. He could not remain in Port Royal.

_Darlin' give me your kiss, only understand _

_I am the nothing man_

She had frowned at the news, a wrinkle marring her perfect, unconcerned brow.

"But why?" she asked, confused.

He could only look at her with broken eyes, a silent plea for her to understand although he knew she never would, never could truly understand him, not any more. She could never understand just why he was leaving, how much it pained him to do so. Her life seemed set so fair that he could not bring himself to explain, she needed no share in his troubles.

He kissed her hand gently, wished he could kiss her cheek, her lips. Tried to keep the tears from his eyes, certain he would never see her again.

"Goodbye Elizabeth," he murmured as she continued to frown.

And then he was gone, a nameless figure retreating through her gateway, never to return.

_Around here everybody acts the same_

_Around here everybody acts like nothing's changed_

_Friday the club meets at Al's Barbecue_

_The sky's still the same unbelievable blue_

He had been to Tortuga once before. When he was a young lieutenant, freshly arrived in the Caribbean with fire in his belly and honour in his heart. His captain had taken him ashore here briefly during a routine patrol.

"This is a pirate town," the man had said, gesturing about him at the squalor and the debauchery. "One day places such as this will be no more."

He had turned smilingly to James and clapped the young man on the shoulder.

"It shall be so because of men like you lieutenant."

"Thank you sir," had been his bashful and proud reply.

Looking around now James could see how foolish he had been. The Scourge of Piracy? There was not much evidence of it here. Tortuga was the same rat-infested flea-pit it had been all those years ago. All of his efforts had been for nothing, nothing had changed.

He had come there for some reassurance that he had not toiled in vain, that despite his disgrace he had achieved some measure of good during his career, but it was not to be. As he stood and stared about him it occurred to him that this would be as good a place as any to disappear, which was exactly what he did.

There were few here who had ever seen his face and lived to remember it but even they would have been hard pushed to recognise the once proud naval officer after this abysmal town had taken its hold. The dirt and the drink and the bitterness in his heart served to shield him from any who might bear him a grudge.

Rumours reached his ears that he had perished, gone back to England, simply disappeared into the blue, never to be seen again. The words brought a smile to his lips, twisted though it was, happy to be forgotten. All he wanted was to left alone in this hell of his own choosing.

If he lifted his eyes to heaven he expected heavy storm clouds to block his view, or a swirling vortex of fire and brimstone. After all if this were hell, should not the sky match the state of his festering soul? But above him the sky remained unendingly, mockingly blue. But even the Caribbean sun could not touch the dark pit he had fallen into.

_Darlin' give me your kiss, come and take my hand_

_I am the nothing man_

She stared at him as he lay face down in the mud and he felt hope rise unbidden in his heart. She was here, she had found him. Surely everything would be alright now?

She put a hand out to help him to his feet, the hand he had kissed before he had left Port Royal. It seemed such a long time ago and yet the memory was fresh with her presence.

He rose with her help, wanting to wrap his arms around, to thank her for saving him, to cling to her as a drowning man to a rock. But he did not. She was talking but he could not concentrate on her words, still woozy from the rum and the knock to his head, staring at her in adoration. Then she said something that shocked him back to reality, a name. _Will_.

The bile rose in his throat, drowning the hope which had kindles so briefly in his heart. She had not come to save him. He was, as ever, nothing to her.

_You can call me Joe, buy me a drink and shake my hand_

_I'll show you courage you can understand_

_The pearl and silver on my night table_

_It's just me lord, pray I'm able_

Admiral Norrington, it was just what he had always wanted and yet the title sounded hollow on his ears. He knew in his heart that his prize had been too dearly bought. When the governor addressed him as Admiral he only shook his head sadly.

"I pray you, do not call me by that name."

"What then, James?"

"James if you wish," but he didn't really care. As far as he was concerned he had no name.

The governor was a good man, he didn't blame James for the things he had done. They were both trapped, Beckett was slowly strangling them, all they had was each other.

"I've sold my soul haven't I?" asked James one night as they shared a quiet brandy.

"Perhaps," came the reply. "But you knew what you were doing, that you must face the devil every day. It takes courage to know your fate and still go through with it. Take heart from that."

He didn't really, no words would ever have the power to redeem him, no more than the finery with which he had been surrounded. In a fit of anger he broke the long gilt mirror which hung on the wall in his quarters, smashing it into a thousand glittering and pointed shards with which he wished he could pierce his heart to take away the pain. He hurled the silver backed brushes and the expensive shaving kit against the wall, emptied the jewel box onto the floor and stamped on everything until he sank, exhausted to his knees and began to sob.

He had to get out of this. He had to do something. He only hoped he still had the strength to do what he knew he must.

_Darlin' with this kiss say you understand_

_I am the nothing man._

He kissed her and she did not flinch from him. It was strange to think that he had waited so long for this moment only for it to be the last request of a doomed man. Even as he opened the door to the cell he knew he would not survive this venture. They both knew his promise to follow was a lie, the last he would ever tell.

When he heard Bootstrap call out he knew this was it. He wished dearly that he could truly go with her, that he could have just one more chance. But he had had his share of chances, and they had lead him here. He felt tired and empty, he had nothing left to give. He cut the rope.

That was it then; nothing to lose, nothing to gain. He was tired of everything, too tired even to defend himself properly.

As the cold and the dark crept up upon him he could not help but feel grateful that it was finally over. He hadn't the strength left to smile as Jones' tentacles face swam before his eyes but inside he was laughing. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain.

_I am the nothing man._


End file.
